


Signs misread

by imsfire



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Jyn is not good at feelings, all the love and pain and insecurity, emotional defensiveness, honestly these two, morning after the night before theme, nor is Cassian, post-shower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 23:39:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11301207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imsfire/pseuds/imsfire
Summary: He holds out one hand slowly, then hesitates and begins to draw back.  “I’m sorry.  I misread your signals.”Two insecure people desperately in love with one another, neither one quite able to believe the other could love them back...





	Signs misread

When she comes back into the bedroom from the ‘fresher, with her mind full of happy thoughts of what they can do today (with one another, _to_ one another, _together_ …) she finds him already dressed and pulling on his boots.  He freezes, gives her a hunted stare; and all her defences rise, sky-high again and solid granite, instantly.  The daylight in her heart vanishes and the dark closes in. 

He’s leaving. 

He was trying to get out while she was still in the shower, to sneak away unseen, pretend he’d never been there, never touched her, never asked her to let him in, never opened his own barriers.  None of it happened and she’s on her own again, forever, ever never never never...

Jyn is breathing fast and light, her body readying itself for a battle.  She cannot feel her face, every muscle is like rock. 

Cassian stares up at her, stricken, and for a moment his eyes are unmistakably terrified. 

She hangs onto that fear as to the only life-line on a sheer cliff of rage.  Her voice comes out thin, bitter with emotion.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m sorry,” he gasps “I’m sorry, Jyn, I’ll go, I’ll be out of your way in just a moment, please –“

There’s just one hope and she’s clinging to it, almost overwhelmed by her own fear and anger.  “Damn you, Cassian, where are you going?  _Why_ are you going?  I didn’t tell you to –“

One boot still unlaced, he stops.  She notices he’s panting, too.  Both of them hanging on that thread now.

“Don’t you want me to get out?”

“No!” Her tone is more contemptuous than she meant and she now she’s angry with herself as well as him, dammit why can’t she ever relate to people normally?  She takes a couple of steps towards him, clenching one fist in the towel.  “No!  Why would I want that?  If I didn’t want you here I wouldn’t have – I wouldn’t - do you _want_ to go?”

“You – you’ve been in the ‘fresher a long time, I thought –“

“Seriously, that’s your excuse?  You’re leaving because I _took too long in the bathroom_?”

“No!”  His turn to sound frustrated.  He stands up abruptly.  They are facing off against one another across three feet of bedroom floor. 

Jyn is wearing nothing but a couple of towels but her anger clothes her like armour.  “Then _what_?” she demands.  “What the fuck is going on?”

“It’s a – a technique I’ve come across before.  When someone wants to get rid of you.  After - you know.  After.  Giving me time to make a quiet exit.  Saving face.  No-one has to feel awkward if I’m gone by the time you come out.  I thought –“ 

He looks desperate.  Jyn feels suddenly utterly sick.

“You thought I was doing _that_ to you?  Cassian, no, I - no -"

She doesn't know where to find the words.  But she can feel her breathing beginning to slow, the tension in her features beginning to relax.  In front of her  Cassian’s face softens almost imperceptibly and she thinks _Anyone else, I wouldn’t have a clue how to read them, but with him, I thought – I hoped – maybe_ …

Can it really be okay, this easily?  Can she really be sure it's just a misunderstanding?

He holds out one hand slowly, then hesitates and begins to draw back.  “I’m sorry.  I misread your signals.”

“I’m not sending signals.”  She reaches for that retreating hand and he stops; lets her take it, shivers for a second at her touch.  Her hands must still be warm from the ‘fresher, because his are like ice.  “I don’t _do_ signals.  If I think someone’s being a cretin I tell them so.  You know that.”

“Oh Jyn…” The memory is as bittersweet for him as for her, but it’s served its purpose, there’s a ghost of a smile on his fine lips now.  She steps a little closer, hoping, holding on to him.

“Please don’t go.”  Such lonely eyes looking down into hers.  So frightening to consider no longer being alone; but life is frightening, and one must still live it; and they can do this, they can, they _must_ …  “Not unless you want to, I mean.  If you want to stay then I want you to stay.”

“Oh Jyn, I’m sorry.  I’m not used to this.  Yes, I want to stay.  I didn’t mean to hurt you.  I want this more than anything and I don’t know how to do any of it.”

“Nor do I,” she says.  She’s imagining the story behind what he just said.  _A technique I’ve come across before_ …  So there was someone somewhere who used his kindness, his loneliness and need, used and abused him and pushed him aside silently after.  Maybe more than one. 

It would be, she thinks, even worse than what she’s had to do on occasion.  At least when you sell yourself, you know where you stand going into the transaction. 

“I’m sorry I was a long time in the shower,” she says carefully.  “I was putting that stuff on my hair.  Conditioner.  It says on the bottle you have to massage it in for two minutes and leave for two minutes and then rinse thoroughly.   Doing all _that_ – pretty much doubles the length of time I’m in there.  But it’s supposed to be good for your hair, so…  And I shaved my legs…”  He hasn’t moved yet and she pulls gently on the lonely hands holding her own.  “Cassian, I know I’m all wet but hold me, please, I don’t want you to go.”

He gives a huff of weak laughter and finally, slowly, wraps his arms around her.  “Oh Jyn…  We are going to have to be very gentle with one another, aren’t we?”

“Please, never think I want you to leave, never.  Please only leave if _you_ want to.”

There’s a long silence, his breathing unsteady against her, before finally he says simply “Okay.  I promise.”  And then “But I never will.  I promise you that, too.”

The towel falls from her head as they cling to one another, and her wet hair falls around her shoulders, and over his hands as he lifts them to her face and draws her into a kiss, at last.


End file.
